And so it begins...

My month from hell. I'm kinda scared that this month is going to push me over the top, but once it's all over, oh how liberated I will feel.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I just need to tell her. Get it out in the open. Everybody knows I like her. I'm pretty sure SHE knows. That's why I'm so confused. She's talking to me more and more, I finally have that connection that I have sought to have with her for the past 3 and a half years. Now, I just need to go that little extra distance. But is it actually possible that she likes me back? I have no idea. She might even go to CU. Where I am going. She remembers a lot of what I say to her. We have conversations for hours about everything we want to. But I'm afraid she just doesn't know how to react. I'm afraid that I'm picking up the wrong signals and it's all just working out in my head. How am I supposed to know? I wish I could just do it. But I'm so afraid. I'm afraid that absolutely everything we have will disappear. That being said, I can't just do nothing. I'm all in, and time is running out. I need to do something. But what?

I don't know what to do. I'm confused, I'm afraid, and I need a sign. A way.

Eh. I just wish this was easier...

What Jake needs in the next month

1. Sweet cello karma/luck. This month is going to severely suck in that department. I need to somehow be struck with unimaginable talent. Like right now.

2. To talk to you. You keep disappearing whenever there's a chance to do something, and it's killing me. I just want to tell you how I feel.

3. Money. For college mostly, but hey, a little extra wouldn't hurt, would it?

4. School to be extremely easy. So far so good, but I'm not even 2 weeks into the semester yet. It just needs to stay this way.

5. Some love wouldn't hurt!

6. To see Alli and Kayla lots. Considering that there is only 4 months plus the summer left before we all leave. I'm dreading when that time comes.

7. You.

I'm ready for something to happen. Anything would be fantastic. As long as it's not terrible.

I hate this...

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I kept saying this is what was going to happen, and obviously it did.

Maybe I'm not cut out to have a relationship. Maybe I should become a hermit.

Bye bye 2007

What MUST be done in 2008:

1. Ask you out
2. Have you say yes to me.
3. Make sweet friends
4. Pass my college auditions
5. Get straight A's
6. Kick butt at something
7. Stop forgetting things
8. Become more organized
9. Win the lotto
10. Retire from life
11. Play a freakin' concerto!!!!
12. Tell Alli how special she is
13. Tell Kayla how awesome she is
14. Get a lot of money for college
15. Make cool college friends
16. Get over my fear of college
17. Get really good at guitar hero
18. Kick Mrs. Hoefer in the face
19. Actually do everything on this list.

Ya... so 2007 was a pretty kick butt year. I made some mistakes that I majorly regret, but I know that everything will fall into place eventually. I'm not worried. Even if I should be. I miss all of my friends like crazy (especially Alli and Kayla) so....

I can't believe I graduate in 4 months... it scares me.